JOKES
Philippine Universities
Compiled by Pol

HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what particular schools attended the big celebration. So he checked out the
house where it was all happening. Guess who he found and where he found them?
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans . . . like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! they were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters

A MURDER MYSTERY ( to be solved solely on the basis of
pure logic )
Who committed the murder?
Suspects:
The Humble Atenean
The Bright La Sallite
The Innocent Maryknoller
The Unaffected Assumptionista
The UP Graduate
Culprit: The UP Graduate
Logic: No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La Sallite or an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.

SUICIDAL SANDWICH
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student (so you know this story is fictional). Anyway, everyday, they met for lunch and ate their sandwiches.
UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman ang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako.
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I am sick of this already. If I get another roast beef sandwich again tomorrow, I am gonna shoot myself.
La Salle: Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again, I am gonna drive my CRV over the cliff.
The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a belt, and choked himself to death. The Atenean went home, got a gun, and shot himself in the head. The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.
During their funeral, their mothers were interviewed:
UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he did not want roast beef anymore, I would not have given him roast beef.
La Salle: Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich.

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of the Catholic Schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so. Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men. La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a single wise man. Maryknoll reported that it couldn't come up with even a single virgin. San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays. UP reported that they killed the three wise men.

QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl it back at the La Sallite.
Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another, another

A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a typical La Sallite conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!

BARKADA SA HUNTING
Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip. The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly replies:
"I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's
story.
So the La Sallite decides to try it himself. But the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over.
"What happened?" they ask? "Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me.

Top phones ng mga Students:
CRC: 3210
Ateneo: 8810
College of St Benilde: 6150
DLSU: 6110/5110
UST: phone card
UP: public phone
AMA: pwedeng makitawag?

Underwear ng mga Students:
Ateneo: marks and spencer
UP: hanes
DLSU: victoria's secret
Assumption: hindi na uso yon!

(Disclaimer: Jokes lamang po ang mga ito. inuulit namin, jokes lang. Original authors could not be traced.)