Lost
By Gollum
I've decided that
I'm lost.
Decided because
I'm not really lost in the literal sense. I mean, I still know my
way around, along the many streets of this smog-filled metropolis.
And even when I'm drunk, I could still grope for my way home.
I just know I'm
lost.
I woke up today
with the nagging feeling that I don't know where I am. And I really
don't have a fucking idea where I'm going to.
I don't have any
idea about my bloody little life.
Last night, I
was trying to recall some old song I really liked. But I couldn't
quite remember what it was or how it went. It was like a ghost making
its presence felt but not really trying to reveal itself.
And no matter
how much I tried, no matter how hard I ground my teeth, I couldn't
remember it.
Not a word.
It was then that
the realization came that "hey boy, you're lost."
This was what
my friend would probably call existentialist anguish, whatever that
is. Only he says existentialism is so passe, and angst is just a fad
commercialized by Calvin Klein and the system to serve the interests
of capitalists and their insatiable desire for money.
So I was like,
think happy thoughts... think happy thoughts...
But then happy
thoughts were in the days when you were four years old riding your
bike while drinking taho and...
Shit. I can't
remember.
I feel like I'm
standing on the precipice between the past and the future, and the
slightest move will plunge me headlong into torturous forgetfulness
or prophetic insanity.
Worse, help can't
be found anywhere.
I look around
and on other people's faces is an expression saying "Don't follow
me I'm lost too."
Only they pretend
to know their way around. And their knowledge is mainly due to the
barest workings of Pavlovian conditioning.
People wake up.
Take a shower. Eat. Dress up. Go to work. Eat again at 11:30. Go home
at 5. Eat once more. Watch the late night news. Sleep. And go through
the whole process over and over again.
Oh, sure. Some
would say they're different. They shave their heads, jump from airplanes,
pierce their noses or run naked through the streets.
But it all boils
down to the Russian's principle.
It's no consolation
I admit I'm lost. All people are.
I just wish I
was wrong, and that the world's not just going around in circles...
---------
Gollum
is reportedly the prendliest PExer in PinoyExchange.com
