Dying
in Due Time
By Felix Voltaire P. Lerio II
WHEN IS it
a good time to die? I've heard it in Sunday homilies that death
comes like a thief in the night. Advice has it, then, that we should
live each day as if it were our last. Carpe diem. For sure, not
only once, though avoidably so, has death been the subject of discussion
among friends. They must have asked each other, regardless of the
level of their understanding of what "death" means, what
their preferred way of passing on is. And at what age they would
like "to go." But hearing ourselves talk about our death,
does it really matter to us?
I pondered on
the subject again after attending the interment of my lola.
It has been a realization for me, from observing others, that if
someone dies, as mourners gather to pay their last respects to the
dear departed, it is not really the dead's sentiments about his
passing on that is grieved over. It is not empathizing with how
he or she must have wanted to still accomplish a lot of other things
if only his or her life was extended. People mourn the loss of the
person not for dead for losing his or her life, but mourning for
the living's lives for losing part of their life. It is the people
left behind who have lost a part of themselves and so, it is their
own selves that they are really mourning over.
Seeing articles
written about the death of some personalities led me to remember
also the images shown on television of people crying and lining
up to catch a last glimpse of the dead. I remember past episodes
when I myself would attend funerals. There were some expressing
affection, saying "I love you" to the person in the coffin,
either in whispers or wailing in utter desperation that they be
heard before the soil is poured into the grave and their cries be
totally blocked. But no, I don't think they are really hoping that
they be heard. Their cries are expressions of regret and pity for
themselves for not being able to say the things they are shouting
about while the person was still living. An assumption has it that
whoever is crying the loudest in a dead man's wake or funeral must
be the most indebted to him or her; probably the most cruel, unkind,
bitter towards the dead.
For the Chinese,
on the other hand, as I've seen in one T.V. feature, they have a
practice of hiring wailers for their departed loved one's funeral,
believing that the loud cries would scare away the evil spirits
that might take hold of the dead's soul. I digress.
It is sad when
someone dear to us dies. It can make us cry when we recall how the
last time with the deceased was spent. Good or bad the last meeting
may have been, the memory will make us sigh. Then thinking ahead
and realizing we won't experience his or her physical presence anymore,
we miss the person and that's another sad thing.
I'm now trying
to recall when I mourned for myself for losing a dear one. I see
the body of the dead and what I see is an empty shell. It must be
having read on reincarnation and the eternally living soul that
my attitude towards death has been reinforced. Or maybe it's the
movie Ghost. Whichever, I don't consider the burial of the body
as the last time that I'll be seeing my lola. Whenever I want to,
I just close my eyes and instantly I could see her. She's alive!
When is it a
good time to die? I guess now the question is incomplete..
"When is
it a good time to die…for whom?" For others, we should
hope that it won't be until we've done everything and said everything
that we want to do and tell them in person. Otherwise, they wouldn't
be able to help but mourn our departure.
------------------
Felix Voltaire P. Lerio II is a law graduate and member of the legal
staff at Philippine Seven Corporation. He just would like to be
a "writer."
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